A Happy Hour | a short story.

Taylor was out of town this week so I treated myself to a happy hour or two in his absence. On Wednesday, I left the house where I’d been tutoring at about 5:30 and booked it into downtown in hopes of arriving at Eddie V’s with a good chunk of happy hour still remaining. I navigated the traffic and tight streets and by 6:00 found a decent spot for The Behemoth Tahoe I was piloting with deft skill and speed. Satisfied with the ample amount of remaining happy hour time in which I had to luxuriate, I jumped from Bruiser (The Behemoth) to pay the meter. To discover I had no wallet.

#fail.

What do you do? What do I do? I’m not meeting someone who can cover me and let me pay them back. I’m not calling someone to forge their way into downtown at 6pm to deliver my wallet to me.

I laugh at myself. And remount Bruiser my trusty steed. Take me home, Bruiser. Let us together leave downtown at 6pm with everyone else in the greater Austin area. Let us camp in rows alongside our idling friends with the sunset in our eyes. We shall not look at the clock nor into the rear view mirror as the minutes of happy hour slip slowly away from our (growing ever more) hungry grasp and the house of warm bread, tuna tartar and $5 wine fades off beyond the river. We were so close. This is not a happy hour.

Meanwhile, back at home, my wallet, snugly sequestered in my teaching tote, was oblivious to the strength of my desire to summon it with supernatural enchantments. Accio, wallet! I weighed my options and made a mental pro-con list.
Option A: Go home in traffic. Eat somewhere else.
Option B: Go home in traffic. Go back to Eddie V’s. Miss happy hour. Enjoy the ambiance and a $30 dinner
Option C: Go home in traffic. Go back to Eddie V’s. Miraculously not miss happy hour. Enjoy the ambiance and an $18 dinner
Option D: Enter Eddie V’s sans-wallet. Hope to not get carded. Hope to pay for drinks, dinner and parking by flashing bosoms sweet talking the bartender or removing my wedding ring and flirting with the gentlemen rationally explaining the situation shredding my clothes and begging on the corner of 5th street.

See, I had to eat dinner, that was conclusive, but for dinner I wanted warm bread, half-price tuna, $5 wine, a jazz band, dim lights and my Nook. (I’m reading My Name is Mary Sutter butthatsirrelevantrightnow) It was determined that if I were to go home, retrieve the wayward wallet and head right back to Eddie V’s, really the worst case scenario would be that I would miss happy hour. If I were to go home, retrieve said wallet and go somewhere else I would waste time, hungry time, trying to both decide where to go and wishing it were Eddie V’s. I decided to count my losses. I will toss out the high-quality-dinner-for-low-quantity-dough triumph of this whole experience, and I will go back. I’m looking at you, wallet.

(Did you know conversation hearts come in Spanish?!)

6:15. Traffic going home was miraculously not horrible. I made excellent time. Small buds of hope blossom. There is faint glimmer of possibility. Wafting wafting is smell of victory over wayward wallet.

Penny was confused by my brief return and rapid departure.

6:17. I rejoined Bruiser and we retraced our steps.

6:35. Friends. I made it back for happy hour. I scored an excellent parking spot, well located and free after 6pm. I entered the bar, or rather, ahem, the “V Lounge,” found a chair (on the pro list of flying solo), and subsequently thoroughly enjoyed my bargain dining experience in a lovely ambiance. It was everything I hoped and dreamed it would be and was made even more lovely by the sweet knowledge that, despite the unfavorable odds, I still been triumphant in securing a high quality dinner for low quantity dough.

Then it got better. They charged me full price for my wine and when I said something about it, (you better bet your britches I said something about it; I didn’t pilot Bruiser the Behemoth like a bat out of hell to get charged full price.) the bartender took one of the glasses off the bill.

That wayward wallet sallied out of le “V Lounge” a mere $15 lighter.

Con: husband out of town. Pro: notes. and solo bar chairs during happy hour.

Resolved.

Here’s to baking more bread, reading more old books and wishing I had some smoked salmon lying about to make this my breakfast atop my bagels.

“Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably.” — C.S. Lewis

Happy 2012!

where there’s a will…

New vocabulary word, kids!

PARAPROSDOKIANS
“Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
10. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
14. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
15. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
16. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
17. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
18. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
19. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
20. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
21. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words in costume! See what I did there? #happyhalloween
{images link to sources. paraprosdokians via}

Spiced Beer Bread + Link Love

Shiner Bock Spiced Beer Bread
INGREDIENTS
3 c. all purpose flour
4 & 3/4 t. baking powder
1 & 3/4 t. salt
spices {1 t. cinnamon + 1/4 t. nutmeg + 1/4 t. cloves}
1/2 c. brown sugar
12 fl. oz. beer
1/4 c. butter, melted
DIRECTIONS
Heat oven to 375. Lightly grease a 9×5 in baking dish. Whisk dry ingredients together. Add beer slowly and mix just until moistened. Pour into baking dish and top with melted butter. Bake 45 minutes. Cool on wire rack.

Originally made this ages ago and posted it here. Revived it and added some spices. Perfect for a Saturday morning of football. Best warm, right out of the oven when the top and sides are all criiiiiispy. Serve with honey + butter.

Love me some baked goods. From a farmer’s market foray over at a great new food blog discovery that’s had me pouring through the archives the last couple of days.

More art display ideas, though I think this picture was making the pinterest rounds because of the pillows.
Speaking of art. Geoffrey Johnson. OMG. Somewhere between Caillebotte’s Rainy Day and Turner, this one here. Christmas list?

 

Murray’s Cheese shop in NYC. Be still my heart.

| More links |

News to me. Did y’all know they found an 18th Century shipwreck as they excavated the World Trade Center site?

Speaking of baking with beer. Taylor likes Hefeweizens; wonder if he’d like these cupcakes or if I’d first have to hide the fact that there was beer in them. {More tales of spousal food deception and skepticism, in addition to the above beer bread, here 1, 2, 3 and 4 } So curious to try them.

SUCH a fascinating insight into fashioning the space suit and all the historical, global, political and societal implications. Sounds weird but I promise you’ll be fascinated.

Fun new book. Awesome illustrations. Perfect for accidental learning. Just like my hero David Macaulay.

Never watched the new show Pan Am but this was a great interview of an original flight attendant about the early days of the stewardess vocation.

Mustached American of the Year Awards. Who knew? So funny. Hermain Cain is up. Go look at the site and the other nominees. Cast your vote if so inclined.

Great Gatsby is coming to the big screen! With Leo D! I’m there. It’s going to be awesome. Class field trip??

That’s all. Happy Saturday. Go make some beer bread. Bet you have all the ingredients and you won’t regret it.

the weekend: {acl2011}

Well Saturday will be hard to top. I had a great weekend and I must share. I’m a little bummed it’s all over.

The festival.

I’m still in shock as to how Saturday happened. First I had tickets to see my favorite band everrrr on Saturday and could have died happy. Then among the selections on my “acl2011″ playlist, I jam to Fitz & The Tatrums and Arcade Fire’s most recent albums all week to gear up for the weekend {don’t knock it}. Get super excited about them only to further score tix at the end of the week with a great friend to both of these bands’ shows after ACL. #whattheheck #pinchmeplease

Saturday in reverse order….

Fitz & the Tantrums after show. Motown danceparty. Their opener Aloe Blacc was a blast as well.

An AWESOME taping of Arcade Fire at ACL theater. So much talent, so much fun, so much craziness. I missed Stevie Wonder for this and totally made the right choice.

Live, up close, musical perfection. Truly a dream come true to partake in a performance by the greatest
voices and instrumental mastery on this side of heaven… Alison Krauss & Union Station.  Dan Tyminski at the guitar on the right, Ron Block, Jerry Douglas left on the dobro and Barry Bales on bass. I got choked up. I took videos. I will relive them.

Oh plus friends. Dear fun friends! {thanks for taking pictures!}

In addition to Fitz and the Tantrums, Aloe Blacc and The Belle Brigade, a playlist here with more of my favorite highlights from Austin City Limits.

Back to the grind! My life is never this cool. Tomorrow I have plans to pick up some dog food and vacuum my living room. #lesigh