where there’s a will…

October 30, 2011 § 1 Comment

New vocabulary word, kids!

“Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  3. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  10. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  12. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  14. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  15. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  16. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  17. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  18. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  19. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  20. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
  21. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
  22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words in costume! See what I did there? #happyhalloween
{images link to sources. paraprosdokians via}


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§ One Response to where there’s a will…

  • JGarrett says:

    Ha! Ha! Erin, I love these . . . the one about light and sound! . . . the one about tomatoes! . . . tell you “Good Evening” and then tell you why it ISN’T! I love them all! Thanks, Erin! ;-) I needed a good laugh!

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